you can't make this stuff up... actually, wait, I think they did.
this is a Groupon offered today for the Portlandia region. but the place is located in the Super-Burbs so it’s extra special:
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but it must be swallowed whole, like a pill. Stay healthy to the core with this Groupon.
$24 for Ionic-Detox Foot Spa Treatment ($75 Value)
In a living-room-theater area, the 40-minute detoxifying ionic-foot-spa session begins as visitors sit in cushy chairs and lower their feet into a warm basin of water. Clients sip on tea made with alkaline ionized Kangen water while the foot soak foams and changes colors. Throughout the session, a video explains the soothing procedure and how it ousts harmful bodily toxins.
Oswego Water’s biofeedback researchers encourage visitors to take advantage of the many potential health benefits of pure, ionized Kangen water. According to their H20 experts, ionized water absorbs quicker into the body for more efficient hydration and comprises powerful antioxidant properties. Oswego Water’s ionic footbaths use the augmented water to rid the body of harmful toxins attained from watching too much reality television. Their facility also invites wellness experts to speak to the public, including recent visits by a raw-foodist bodybuilder and local naturopath.”